There are things in our lives that are marvelous, technological wonders. This post probably isn’t about them.
My life is hard. Sometimes my groceries are delivered late, the yard guys won’t trim the mock orange tree, I have to find a place for the Irish Cream in my new pantry, and I’m down to a single jar of Mod Podge. I need help wherever I can get it. This is the stuff I always make sure I have around. Or I make someone else buy it if I’m coming to stay with them.
Gummy vitamins – My phone will hold thousands of pictures and songs but multi-vitamins are still the size of a small pet. And they taste disgusting so you can’t even fool yourself that you aren’t taking them. Which means the applesauce trick doesn’t work. Then the heavens opened up and we discovered gummy vitamins. Probably in a gummy orchard or something. I’m pretty sure they aren’t just soft plastic cooked up in a lab. Either way, they are delicious and when I get to take them after I brush my teeth, it feels like I earned a treat. That’s a win first thing in the day.
Mr. Clean sponges – These are magic. I don’t know what kind of voodoo they employ but sign me up. I’ve used these on areas I thought I was going to have to repaint. This little sucker is so awesome, it is totally worth the altar I’ve built to them in my garage.
Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches – Life wouldn’t be worth living without these. You think I’m kidding? Every time I give them to someone, they always come back to my house and I catch them with their head in my freezer looking for more. I’ve started hiding them because I’m just not that generous. You people can fend for yourselves.
Podcasts – People are out there creating free stuff! GOOD free stuff! Being able to do something fancy like download these to my phone and then listen to them anywhere has helped me accomplish many awful mundane tasks. Like driving to Arizona from Oregon or pulling nails out of baseboard trim.
Libraries – These are amazing! They let you borrow books for free and I’ve yet to hit a limit on how many books I can take out at one time. I think I’ve walked out of the library with like 12 books and no one tackled me at the door. The great thing about libraries too, is because you aren’t buying the books, you can try books out you might not normally try (steampunk romance anyone?) and you don’t have to store them somewhere in your house. Libraries also have cultural passes to places around your city. Check it out. Sometimes you can get family passes to the zoo or a museum.
Battery-power candles – Atmosphere without fire. ‘Nuff said.
Keurig machine – My shallowness and first world privilege knows no bounds. I don’t know how I survived without my Keurig before. And I don’t even drink coffee! It also makes great tea and hot chocolate. I might actually grab this if I was running out of the house during a fire.
Nature’s Miracle – If you have pets or kids, you need to keep this on hand. Heck, I need to buy stock in this company. It’s the only way to go with biological stains. I’ve cleaned up things that should have made me move out of the house. Stains I’m not entirely sure weren’t alien-based. This could be the stuff that kills the Martians when they invade. Tom Cruise flinging Urine-Destroyer at long-limbed warriors. I can see it.
Laser levels – If you do nothing more around the house than hang pictures, go get one of these. They are brilliant. Have you ever tried to hang three pictures at the same height? It is almost impossible. Countries have been conquered more easily. The laser level can do this without even blinking. If it had eyes that is.
Magnetic nail polish – Have you seen this stuff? You paint your nails, hold your nail over a magnet that comes with the nail polish and a pattern forms! I react to it like primitive tribes must react to lighters. Every. Single. Time.
Nutella – My god this stuff is glorious. I’m not admitting to petting the container and talking to it softly, but I really like it.
The Internet – OK, I know this is an obvious one but how did I survive before I could reach over to my phone and see what
my secret husband comedian Eddie Izzard has been up to and watch all one of his shows?
Cable TV – I remember what it was like before cable. I’m old. Sure, we had Rockford Files and Emergency! which are still some of the best shows ever. But today there is Walking Dead, Breaking Bad, Dr. Who, Torchwood. Those make me happier than they should. I should have more substance and depth than someone so attached to TV shows, but there ya go. I love my stories.