How To Build a Cabinet

1. Gather the tools required for the project in the area where you will be building your cabinet. In our case, it is on the kitchen floor.

2. Realize you don’t have all the tools, get up and look around the house and garage for 30 minutes getting distracted by TV along the way.

3. Come back, set up tools again.

4. Pet the 120 lb dog who was delighted to find you on the kitchen floor and sat in your lap for pets.

5. Pet the other dog who has found you on the kitchen floor and wants pets too.

6. Shoo off the dogs and pull out the directions.

7. Get up and go find a broom and dust pan so you can get rid of the tumblefur surrounding you on the kitchen floor. It was easy to ignore when you weren’t trying to sit in it.

8. Sit back down and pull out the directions.

9. Double check that you have all the parts listed in the directions.

10. Move the hardware to keep the kitty from playing with it.

11. Get up and get a bowl to put the hardware in so the kitty can’t shoot it under furniture.

12. Verify that you have all the hardware and tools you need.

13. Pick up two pieces and turn them around several times trying to get them to match the images in the directions.

14. Try to connect them with the hardware. Realize you don’t have a big enough Philip’s head screwdriver. Get up, go to the garage and look for a bigger screwdriver. This takes 15 minutes.

15. Break for lunch.

16. Watch an episode of Breaking Bad. You are trying to catch up for the finale but you feel guilty the entire time.

17. Bring the cabinet pieces, hardware, and tools into the room with the TV so you can build the cabinet while watching another episode of Breaking Bad.

18. Get three pieces put together, realize one of the pieces is turned the wrong way, take everything apart.

19. Get three pieces put together again.

20. Move the hardware bowl under a chair so it isn’t tempting the kitty so much. She thinks scooping the screws out of the bowl is even more fun that just batting them across the floor.

21. Wish you drank. People make wine sound really helpful in these situations.

22. Attach fourth piece. The box is now a box! Reward yourself by watching another episode of Breaking Bad.

23. Shove two of the dogs over so you have room to work.

24. Startle all the animals out of the room when you accidentally drop the box.

25. Apologize to all the animals for scaring them. This tone of voice makes them very happy and they get excited something fun is going to happen. Perhaps you mean to let them all outside?

26. Give up trying to ignore them, get up and let all of them outside.

27. Let them all back in.

28. Fill their water bowl to stop their licking the bottom of the bowl as if it didn’t contain water 20 minutes ago. Clearly they went outside and ran a 5K. How could I know? No one brought me a T-shirt.

29. Try to sit on the floor to finish the box. Shove away two dogs again who try to crawl in your lap.

30. Quickly and efficiently nail the back of the cabinet on the box. Obviously you rule at this!

31. Reward yourself by watching two more episodes of Breaking Bad.

32. Look at all the other cabinets you have to put together and decide it is too late in the day to start another one.

33. Watch two more episodes of Breaking Bad.

34. Go to bed.

35. Get up the next morning and be really surprised at the fact you only have a single cabinet built. Weren’t you doing this all day yesterday?

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One Response to How To Build a Cabinet

  1. Ryan says:

    This entry is a hoot! And that’s exactly how it goes when you have pets.

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