Avoiding Matronly

This is how the beauty professionals have interpreted my request, “I don’t want to look matronly:”

Jersey Shore smokey eyes (these were also after I told them I don’t like to look like I’m wearing a lot of makeup)


Trust me, I didn’t pull it off this well although I did have the same stunned look as the gal on the left.

Poodle hair (Couldn’t have looked more matronly if I tried)


Hippy hair (because there is nothing matronly about aging hippies)

The old ladiest of old lady bras. It was practically a halter top there was so much material going on. I’d have to wear turtlenecks all the time to cover it up.

Ugly, flesh-colored clogs. I don’t wear heels anymore and to some people, that means you’ve just given up. These clogs were so ugly, I think their name-brand might have actually been “Matronly.”

A completely matronly bathing suit. What makes a bathing suit matronly? They have these foam chest things. They can’t be for breasts because they are so gigantic and shaped funny that I think they might actually be for your elbows. It is the only thing that makes sense.

No one has brought me a kaftan yet. Well, someone actually has but it wasn’t a beauty professional. It was a family member so I can’t share it here.


I maintain my fight for the little scraps of coolness that I can find. Well, maybe cool is an exaggeration. I’m just going for “not matronly.”

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One Response to Avoiding Matronly

  1. Sue says:

    You were a topic of conversation earlier today. At the end of Mother’s Day brunch, Mom suggested that we should go shopping. But she had no idea what to shop for! She needs nothing. I suggested “smokey eyes” and shared your story!

    We laughed and laughed, and thought about sensible shoes.

    BTW, we didn’t go shopping! Hope you had a great day!

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